Hmmm...

First, I just have to give a big thanks to Victoria for showing me Kari Jobe... Singing Over Me and My Beloved, wow:). I mean, they are all very good, but those are the ones that are standing out to me the most right now:).

So whats been going on? Well... in my heart, it seems like a lot... One.. I am beginning to realize things about myself that I really never thought about before.. Two Something in my heart snapped yesterday, slightly out of no where.

Now, if you are even going to read this, I have to warn you, it will probably be very all over the place:).

Ok, now that I have warned you, I will continue :). Well... I think that I have a million and one things I am thinking about.... Whats going on spiritually, college, conference, life. Oh boy:).

Spiritually, I have no clue whats going on... I am trying to seek my Maker, but its so eh right now =/. I feel like I've been so far away from Him recently and I'm trying to get back. I've started on this one book, There is More by Randy Clark. I bought it back in November, I think :), when I went through the Global school and I am finally starting it.. goodness.. haha.. And so far, it has been right on for me. I'm only in the intro part;) so I think thats a good thing that its going well. haha... And I was told by my very wonderful dad, that it is a great book, so I'm excited. I'm still in The Word and I'm in Hosea right now.. Today I read chapter 5 and wow..

5 Israel's arrogance testifies against them;
the Israelites, even Ephraim, stumble in their sin;
Judah also stumbles with them.

6 When they go with their flocks and herds
to seek the LORD,
they will not find him;
he has withdrawn himself from them.

It almost makes me cry when I read that last verse, he has withdrawn himself from them.
I can't imagine Papa not being with me. Even though He doesn't verbally speak to me and I can't see Him, just knowing He is here gives me peace. And if He wasn't here, with me, wow, I can't imagine it.

Then in chapter 7,
13 Woe to them,
because they have strayed from me!
Destruction to them,
because they have rebelled against me!
I long to redeem them
but they speak lies against me.

He longed to redeem them! Even after they had turned against Him, plotted evil against Him, He still loved them! These chapters are just reminding me of the amazing, inconceivable love He has for His people. I've always known of this love Papa has for me, but today, it really struck me, that He actually sings over me. When I can't hear it, when I'm feeling like poop, when I'm feeling so far away from Him, He is singing over me! Correct me if I'm wrong when I say that, but thats what I was thinking... I'm still trying to grasp that concept of Him singing over me, of Him passionately wanting me and only me, of Him pursuing me like crazy, of the whole Song of Solomon mindset.. Its just all so overwhelming. So thats where I am at right now with that:).
Also, last year when the Global School came to our church and I was, I believe, commissioned, I felt like I was going to become this amazing person for Him, preaching to the nations, working in the prophetic, Him doing amazing healings through me, etc.... Now, I'm exaggerating when I say those things, but in my wildest, most craziest dreams, I thought that maybe something like that could maybe happen. So I go from that week, excited and couldn't wait to see what He was going to do in me and through me. I think the month to follow was great, I felt like I was going somewhere with this "gift" and then like a wall was placed in front of me, it all seemed to stop. The doors were closed, I rarely ever thought about my "gift" and my calling. I think I am just wanting to do so much more with what Papa has given me than what I am doing. I want to win the nations for Him, live in the prophetic, all that crazy stuff;). I am so excited though, March 26-28, I'm going to a prophetic conference with my bestest friend ever. I am so excited, not only because I get to go with my best friend (which that alone would be beyond amazing), Victoria, but I am really hoping this will be not something to, "necessarily get me going," but I am hoping that it will be another important time in my life, where something amazing happens.. I'm hoping and praying:). So thats kinda whats going on, spiritually.. I'm so trying to get out of "religious" mindset. Where I spend an hour with Papa, because thats the "right" amount of time to spend with Him, where I make sure I have praise songs, where I get something out of The Word everyday. And none of that is bad, at all. But its the whole mindset, trying to make sure I do enough. But sometimes I think, no I know, He just wants to BE with me. Just like I want to be with the man I like or my favorite friends, even more so, He wants to just BE with me. He wants to hold me and sing over me. He wants to love me. I just... wow, trying to get it all:). So yeah... it's all starting to... make sense:).

As for school... Wow:). For awhile I've had the thought of going to a Bible college or something like that. College hasn't sounded like what I want to do at the moment so I am trying to figure it out. Tonight I had this random thought of going away to somewhere... And if you know me, you know I'm not much for leaving home. So that was a crazy thought.. I talked a bit with my mom about it.. and we talked a bit about YWAM. Hmm... Something to pray through.


As for my friends and family... Family is doing good:). Not too much is going on.. Noah is starting out patient therapy, which is a big change for my mom and everyone.. Other than that, not too much has changed:). Friends are wonderful. I love my bestest friend Victoria.. I'm gonna be doing a sleep over with Jessica and Kelsey very soon, which I'm real excited about and one of my wonderful friends comes home in about 11 days:D. March is going to be a wonderful month, I can tell:). It's funny, I have lots of "friends" but only a couple close ones I really, honestly love:) and hang out with:). I love my family and friends=D.


Well, if you have read this far, you are a true friend, and if you haven't, thats ok:), you are still a true friend.. haha.. Thanks for listening to me pouring out my confused soul:). I'll get it all together one of these days:). As for now, I'm still figuring it all out and waiting on my Papa. I love Him:).

know Him
<3emma