Well, I've been here for almost a month!!! I can't even believe it. The time has flown by. And it took almost a month to feel like it, but I finally feel like this is my "home" right now:). Ever since I got here, I knew I was supposed to be here. I had a peace which made it easier. But at times I would have been ok with just going home just so I could get a momma hug and a dadda embrace. In this past three and a half weeks, God has done so much in my heart. He has stretched me, broken me, opened me up and then put me back together, a better and more whole person. It's been a crazy adventure, already, but one that I don't think I'd give up for anything.
In being here for about three weeks, I've gotten to go out on the street multiple times and every time, it's an exciting adventure. I'm presented with men and woman who don't see themselves and God does. They "feel" different, they "want" money, they "think" this is filling their deep desires. They just don't know anything else. My heart still breaks for these ones, but at the same time, I have so much joy in seeing them, and so much hope. And I have SO much love for them, His love:). I've created relationships that I will never forget. I come up to these men and women with love and acceptance and I know they can see it. They show me their new hair styles and colors and I compliment them. When they are wearing pretty eye make-up, I tell them I love it. I love them. Not what they do, but who they are. It's amazing, getting the opportunity to share Papa's love with these people and I can't wait till the day, wether that be in Heaven or here on earth, that I get to see the fruit from sharing who He is with them. I'm honored and blessed that I get to be apart of this crazy thing, we call the Kingdom.
Other things that I've been doing while here in Brazil, helping with the Global School of Ministry Brazil. I didn't think I'd even be apart of it, at all, but it turns out that I've been playing a small part in the school. And I've liked it! :) There aren't a ton of students in the school, but each of them are amazing, world changers. They've all got such a heart for the Lord and a hunger for who He is. It's great to see and I can't wait to see them out on the streets, with us at one point. :) Another thing I've been doing while here has been going to favelas (slums.) I've gotten to go love on the kids, pray for the poor and share His love. Part of the team was actually there this morning. I decided I'd stay back because I've been sick and haven't gotten much sleep in the past couple of days. So I decided I'd rest up to try and stay healthy. That has been amazing and it's reminded me that the people there were another reason I fell in love with Brazil.
This past week, at the ministry school we had Tracee Loosle and then there is this amazing church called Vida Plena that had her speak there on Friday and Saturday. A little history about Vida Plena from me, that was the first church I ministered at, in 2009 on Youth Power Invasion, in Brazil. It was funny, because when I got on the bus that night, I had no clue what we were doing, I just got on the bus thinking we were going somewhere. Then when we pulled up to the church full of thousands of people, Tim Berry, our bus captan, told us what how the night was going to go down. I freaked! I thought to myself, I'm going to be praying for people! I didn't know this was going to happen!! Lord, HELP! haha I think it's very funny how I started off there and now it's become kind of our main church that we go to. Nic and Rachael lead worship there sometimes because we are very good friends with the lead pastor. So I started off there in Brazil and it has become my favorite church and in a way, my "home" church while here in Brazil. So anyways, going back to Tracee, she spoke on Friday and Saturday night at Vida Plena. And let me tell you, AMAZING both nights. The Shores of Grace Team and the students from the ministry school were the ministry team both nights so of course, I was included in praying for people. I felt like I was on a Global Awakening trip again. I couldn't speak their language, but they were still getting touched by the Spirit. It was amazing. I wound up praying with one of my Brazilian friends at the end of the night on Friday. This little, maybe 10/11 year old girl came up to us, crying. Her mom was in hand and her mom told my friend what was wrong with her daughter. She had a bladder infection and it hurt. So we sat down and started praying for this little girl. It looked like she was getting touched but I'm not sure if she was healed. After we prayed for her, her mother proceeded to tell us that they are being kicked out of their house in three days and the mom doesn't have a job. My heart broke. I've gotten SO comfortable with the fact that I have MORE than enough that I find myself complaining about the base I'm living at or the food I'm eating, more times than not. I sat there, in tears, thinking about how selfish I am yet how incredibly blessed I am. This lady and her child, have almost nothing except for the clothes on their backs. And every day, I have something to complain about. I sat there with tears in my eyes, thanking God for His faithfulness to me and even to her. Because I know in every circumstance, He IS faithful. Wether we see it right then or not. This was such a challenging moment for my heart and when I left them, I felt so blessed and so sad at the same time. But I know He is faithful and He will provide.
God has been so faithful this whole trip and I am SO blessed. My heart is still being pulled, stretched, and broken but being made so whole, at the same time. I love that I will be here for two more months, even though I know there will be challenging times. I know that this is where I'm called for right now and I'm trying to keep my heart open for ALL the things God wants to do in me. He mine and I am His.
Know Him
emma
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
2 weeks and 2 days
So, two days ago, marked my two weeks of being in Brazil. Which in a way is so crazy. Sometimes it feels like I've only been here for three days. Then other days, it feels like I've been here for months.
It has for sure been a roller-coaster of emotions and thoughts. Missing home, one day, wanting to live here for the rest of my life, another day. But one thing I've learned- Take it one day at a time. Today is today and tomorrow is tomorrow. I've learned to try and not be run off emotions but do what the Father is doing. Easier said than done:). But God is faithful and His grace is all over this place.
Since the last time I've posted, I've gotten to go out on the streets two more times. The first time was good. We handed out food to homeless people, prayed for them, and loved on them. It was great:). The second time, which was last night was the best so far. We went to one of the areas that we went to, the very first night I got here. The exciting part, was I got to talk to the "girls" I had met the first time. I was SOO excited to see them and they were actually very excited to see us too! We talked to this one group of three guys for about 15-20 minutes. We all made jokes, laughed and most of all, loved. They were SOO receptive to us last night. We met this guy who has only been selling himself for 6 months. He is 18. That was heart breaking to me. And my friend Kate, asked them, why did you get into prostitution in the first place? One of them replied and said, well, we've always felt like we were girls and the only way to change our gender and get a job, is to become a prostitute. Wow.
As far as the school, it's been going great! The students are doing great, receiving and I can already tell they are becoming a family. I love it :).
But I'm just about to head out to worship practice with my friend Cody. We're doing worship tonight at the school. Be praying for favor with everything here. Thats the biggest thing right now. Favor favor favor. And protection over the team when we go out on the streets. Nic and Jonathan are in a different part of Brazil right now, so be praying for safety over them as they are there and return, please. :)
Thanks for everything!
Know Him
emma
It has for sure been a roller-coaster of emotions and thoughts. Missing home, one day, wanting to live here for the rest of my life, another day. But one thing I've learned- Take it one day at a time. Today is today and tomorrow is tomorrow. I've learned to try and not be run off emotions but do what the Father is doing. Easier said than done:). But God is faithful and His grace is all over this place.
Since the last time I've posted, I've gotten to go out on the streets two more times. The first time was good. We handed out food to homeless people, prayed for them, and loved on them. It was great:). The second time, which was last night was the best so far. We went to one of the areas that we went to, the very first night I got here. The exciting part, was I got to talk to the "girls" I had met the first time. I was SOO excited to see them and they were actually very excited to see us too! We talked to this one group of three guys for about 15-20 minutes. We all made jokes, laughed and most of all, loved. They were SOO receptive to us last night. We met this guy who has only been selling himself for 6 months. He is 18. That was heart breaking to me. And my friend Kate, asked them, why did you get into prostitution in the first place? One of them replied and said, well, we've always felt like we were girls and the only way to change our gender and get a job, is to become a prostitute. Wow.
As far as the school, it's been going great! The students are doing great, receiving and I can already tell they are becoming a family. I love it :).
But I'm just about to head out to worship practice with my friend Cody. We're doing worship tonight at the school. Be praying for favor with everything here. Thats the biggest thing right now. Favor favor favor. And protection over the team when we go out on the streets. Nic and Jonathan are in a different part of Brazil right now, so be praying for safety over them as they are there and return, please. :)
Thanks for everything!
Know Him
emma
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Here I am!
(In the picture, it's Christian Billman, a little Brazilian girl who lives on the base, me, Forrest Billman, a little boy who lives on the base, and Rebecca who is apart of the team)
Well, after many hours, lay-overs, flights, and people, I'm here in Brazil!:) My trip wound up being over 24 hours but God was so good through out the WHOLE thing. From the first person I talked to in Norfolk, till my greeting with the Billman's, Cody, and Jonathan in Curitiba, God was there and faithful the whole time. In Miami, I felt like I was in a foreign country, with the spanish being thrown back and forth, I had no clue what was going on. Thankfully, since it was STILL the US, they spoke English after they spoke spanish... I was pretty confused, considering it was still Florida, but whatever..:) While I was waiting to board the flight in Miami, a family from Sao Paulo, Brazil came and sat next to me. I couldn't understand them, and (I thought they couldn't really understand me) but they offered me Pringles, smiled and laughed with me and I just fell in love with them:). They wound up flying to Bogota and then to Sao Paulo with me. They took me under their wing, made sure I went to the right place, they played UNO with me, and just had fun with me. The family included the parents and three kids. Gabriel, Rebecca, and Samuel. Gabriel was closer to my age and thankfully, he was very good at speaking English:). So we hit it off very nicely. He would translate for his younger sister and we just had so much fun. I got to know the different bands they and I liked, they'd ask me how to say certain things in English and I'd ask how to say certain things in Portuguese. It couldn't have been a better couple of flights from Miami, to Bogota, then to Sao Paulo, if I could have asked for it.... They made that long trip, so much fun. I love that family so much:).
I wound up getting to Sao Paulo and found out that the airlines had lost one of my bags:/. Big bummer, but I'm trusting God is going to bring it back to me:). It's got important stuff in it. So I'm praying hard:). haa. But my flight from Sao Paulo to Curitiba, was wonderful and fast. Part of the team was there to greet me and I couldn't be happier that I was there.. From there I've been going ever since. I got to go to a local grocery store yesterday afternoon, which was great:). And then at night, was the best part, I got to go out of the streets to talk and love on the prostitutes and transvestites. It was my first time ever, doing it, so it was wonderful. I had so much joy, excitement and just anticipation. God met us on the streets and it was a great night. The processing of the whole event has taken me some time, but God has been so good. It was a harsh reality when meeting some of the prostitutes on the streets. You can tell when they really don't want to be on the streets, but last night, I didn't experience that too much. What I experience last night was different. Almost all of the girls/guys I talked to last night, WANTED to be out on the streets, selling themselves. I know, deep down, they didn't. But there biggest reason for wanting to be out there was the money. These two we were talking to last night get paid around 6000 or 7000 dollars a month! The initial fruit of their job, is so rewarding but I know for a fact, it won't be rewarding long term. We (Shores of Grace team) is in the process of making a place where they can go to start over and get out of it. It's called, Project Bethany, http://shoresofgrace.com/about-us/project-bethany You can copy and paste that into your browser to get more info on that. It's amazing and seriously life changing. But it's still in the work. God was breaking my heart even more, last night, for His beloved, his princes and princesses. So it's been different, but SOOO good. I'm loving it already:).
Tonight, we will go to the ministry school and work with the students. Which will be my first time, but this is the second day of the school. I'll update more on that later:).
But yeah, as far as prayer requests, just be praying for my last bag to come. I know He is faithful:). So be praying for that. God is good and will continue to be good:). Also, if you could be praying for Project Bethany. Money is a huge issue right now for all of that and we are just waiting on that to come in, so we can start the project. All I know, is when it goes happen, it's going to be amazing:). Thanks for reading and praying! I'll try and post as soon as I can!
Know Him
emma
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Brasil (Brazil)
February 1st is a very important day for me. You make ask why? Well since you ask, I'll tell you.
February 1st is the day that I abandon my comfortable home in the United States of America. It's a day I leave my family, my new found friends and friends I've had since I was a child. It's a day I literally take the next step into my next season, calling, and destiny. It's a day I grow like I've never been able to grow before. It's a day of new beginnings and all new things.
February 1st is the day I hand my one-way ticket to the security attendant at the airport and fly off to Brazil.
And why Brazil? What is it for?
Because God has called my heart there and I must follow. It's for the poor, the broken, the lost. The prostitutes, the orphans, the fatherless. God has broken my heart for the broken.
The generosity of the people/the culture have nearly brought me to tears at many points in my two trips to Brazil. They are so giving of not only their earthly possessions (purses, shirts off their own backs, personal Bibles, etc.) but also of their lives. So many are sold out to the Lord and what He is doing in this hour. They've tried it all: prostitution, drugs, alcohol, money, clothing, worthless items and they've come to the realization, He is everything. He is it. There is nothing else. I have and continue to learn so from them.
Even though there are so many, who are giving their everything to follow the One who gave it all, there are so many who aren't.
I remember going to Brazil for the first time in July 2009. I was walking the city streets of Curitiba, Brazil and on the side of the street, a man with no legs had a small tin in front of him for loose change to be donated. I saw pamphlets with numbers on them to call for prostitution, lining the streets. I saw women in church services, crying out, broken, looking for true love, the Father's love. I saw God's love being manifested through healings, deliverances, and forgiveness. People were stepping into the true revelation of God's love and falling in love with the Man, the one I've never seen but know. I saw so many broken, lost and hurting people. God began to break my heart for them.
On my second trip to Brazil, God loaded on more compassion and even more desire to be there, with the Brazilian people.
The prostitutes have stolen my heart. I want them to know Him. To know His love. To know His grace. To know who they are in Him. To know that no matter what they do, where they've been, they are loved by Him. So about 75% of the reason I'm going to Brazil is for these broken women. I want to love on them, I want them to know that they have a Father, they have Someone who not only loves them, but likes them.
Another big reason I'm going, is to go to the poor on the streets. To love them to life. Matthew 25:40"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' I will be doing what Matthew 25 talks about, giving water to the thirsty, giving food to the hungry. I will be sitting with, living with, loving on the "least of these."
It's my calling, it's my destiny, and it's becoming my life.
So February 1st, I'm going to a place where my heart longs to be. I'm nervous, a little scared and curious as to how it will all go down. But I'm also at peace, excited and trusting that He is and will continue to care for me and all my needs. He is so good and so faithful.
Eu te amo, Brasil.
Know Him
<3emma
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Full heart
I find myself sometimes trying to write down what's in my heart. I never really feel like I am adequate enough to really relay my heart, my thoughts, my emotions, but I make attempts and thats all that matters.
"What's the next season?" "What is in your heart?" "What is the Lord saying to you right now?" Are all questions I think I've been asking myself since I ended my last season. Truth be told, I think I've been asking myself those questions since high school, but none the less. Rough only begins to describe what I feel like I've been going through since leaving my "home" in Pennsylvania. Never did I think it was possible to get so close to people I hadn't know 9 months before leaving them in May. Family is a perfect word for those people. They honestly felt and continue to feel like family. They say that family knows you threw and threw, well those people know me threw and threw. They saw me at my worst, they saw me at my best, they took me for who I was. Not knowing my background, my past, my faults, my family, my gifts or what I could bring to the table for them, not know me. They loved me, for me and nothing else. No longer was I Pastor David Addesa's daughter, Miracle Boy's sister, one of Lisa's daughters or Hannah's crazy sister. I was know as Emma Addesa. Thats it. I was some random, goofy girl from Virginia that no one knew, who made up her own sayings and called her car (and many other things) "Bubby." At first I thought that would be a horrible thing but it wound up being the best thing that could have ever happened. Words can not describe how much I love my new, random, wonderful and goofy "family." Bethany, Canaan, Brandon, Cody, Jacob, Nikki, Jackie, Jordan, Mark, Jenny, Brian, Rachael, Nic, Casey, Lisa, Holly, Dan, Chris, Tim, Tyler and so many more people, make up my new family. I couldn't be more blessed..
While those people got to know all about me and what made me, ME, I also got to know me. I found out who I was.... Better yet, I found out who the Lord says I am. All my life I feel like I've been in my dad's shadow, my mom's, my sister's, my friends, I was who people thought/wanted me to be. Not anymore. I was becoming who I wanted to be, I was becoming who HE wanted me to be. These past nine months not only was I blessed with a bigger family, but I grew(and am still growing) to knew who I was in that family and what part I play.
Throughout the year, I would notice things about myself that I never had noticed before. At 18, I was becoming Emma Addesa:). I was gaining a voice. No longer was I an Esther but I was becoming a Deborah.
So many things happened this past season, but for me, that was one of the bigger things.
Another big thing, which in a big way ties into this previous thing of rambling, was who I am in Christ. Dan Mohler was the one who triggered it. *Thank the Lord for Dan.* He came to Global and said something like, "What you say and what you do to me, won't affect me. You can't offend me, no matter what you do. You know why? Cause my identity is not found in you. My acceptance is not found in you. My identity is found in the Lord, my acceptance is found in the Lord. I look to Him for my emotional fill." Let me tell you, that offended me beyond belief, in a very good way. I wasn't happy, but I knew my religiosity was being killed and it hurt so good:). All my life, I've been known as the emotional, sensitive one and let me tell you, I still am. But I'm not letting it control me and tell me how to live and who to be. So when people don't treat me how I'd like them to, when people don't say what I want them to, when they act like humans and hurt me or whatever the case may be, I'm beginning to realize how much emphasis I've put on PEOPLE. I then realized how little emphasis I put on the LORD. Scary, I know. Now mind you, I'm not perfect, so I do struggle with these things at times, but I'm growing and thats the most exciting part.
So yes, big things my friends, big things. Moving to Brazil is in the horizon and I'm freaking excited. Eu te amo Brasil:). I'm in a season of trying to learn how to love where I'm at. I'm trying to not feel trapped and hopeless because in the Lord, there is freedom and hope. I am who He says I am. I may not be where I want to be, in Brazil, ministering to broken woman. But I am in Virginia, being loved on by my Papa and my family. I'm resting in Him and just being. I'm preparing for a new, foreign (literally) season and its exciting and scary all at the same time. I have His peace and I have His acceptance. I am who He says I am.
Know Him
<3emma
"What's the next season?" "What is in your heart?" "What is the Lord saying to you right now?" Are all questions I think I've been asking myself since I ended my last season. Truth be told, I think I've been asking myself those questions since high school, but none the less. Rough only begins to describe what I feel like I've been going through since leaving my "home" in Pennsylvania. Never did I think it was possible to get so close to people I hadn't know 9 months before leaving them in May. Family is a perfect word for those people. They honestly felt and continue to feel like family. They say that family knows you threw and threw, well those people know me threw and threw. They saw me at my worst, they saw me at my best, they took me for who I was. Not knowing my background, my past, my faults, my family, my gifts or what I could bring to the table for them, not know me. They loved me, for me and nothing else. No longer was I Pastor David Addesa's daughter, Miracle Boy's sister, one of Lisa's daughters or Hannah's crazy sister. I was know as Emma Addesa. Thats it. I was some random, goofy girl from Virginia that no one knew, who made up her own sayings and called her car (and many other things) "Bubby." At first I thought that would be a horrible thing but it wound up being the best thing that could have ever happened. Words can not describe how much I love my new, random, wonderful and goofy "family." Bethany, Canaan, Brandon, Cody, Jacob, Nikki, Jackie, Jordan, Mark, Jenny, Brian, Rachael, Nic, Casey, Lisa, Holly, Dan, Chris, Tim, Tyler and so many more people, make up my new family. I couldn't be more blessed..
While those people got to know all about me and what made me, ME, I also got to know me. I found out who I was.... Better yet, I found out who the Lord says I am. All my life I feel like I've been in my dad's shadow, my mom's, my sister's, my friends, I was who people thought/wanted me to be. Not anymore. I was becoming who I wanted to be, I was becoming who HE wanted me to be. These past nine months not only was I blessed with a bigger family, but I grew(and am still growing) to knew who I was in that family and what part I play.
Throughout the year, I would notice things about myself that I never had noticed before. At 18, I was becoming Emma Addesa:). I was gaining a voice. No longer was I an Esther but I was becoming a Deborah.
So many things happened this past season, but for me, that was one of the bigger things.
Another big thing, which in a big way ties into this previous thing of rambling, was who I am in Christ. Dan Mohler was the one who triggered it. *Thank the Lord for Dan.* He came to Global and said something like, "What you say and what you do to me, won't affect me. You can't offend me, no matter what you do. You know why? Cause my identity is not found in you. My acceptance is not found in you. My identity is found in the Lord, my acceptance is found in the Lord. I look to Him for my emotional fill." Let me tell you, that offended me beyond belief, in a very good way. I wasn't happy, but I knew my religiosity was being killed and it hurt so good:). All my life, I've been known as the emotional, sensitive one and let me tell you, I still am. But I'm not letting it control me and tell me how to live and who to be. So when people don't treat me how I'd like them to, when people don't say what I want them to, when they act like humans and hurt me or whatever the case may be, I'm beginning to realize how much emphasis I've put on PEOPLE. I then realized how little emphasis I put on the LORD. Scary, I know. Now mind you, I'm not perfect, so I do struggle with these things at times, but I'm growing and thats the most exciting part.
So yes, big things my friends, big things. Moving to Brazil is in the horizon and I'm freaking excited. Eu te amo Brasil:). I'm in a season of trying to learn how to love where I'm at. I'm trying to not feel trapped and hopeless because in the Lord, there is freedom and hope. I am who He says I am. I may not be where I want to be, in Brazil, ministering to broken woman. But I am in Virginia, being loved on by my Papa and my family. I'm resting in Him and just being. I'm preparing for a new, foreign (literally) season and its exciting and scary all at the same time. I have His peace and I have His acceptance. I am who He says I am.
Know Him
<3emma
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
God makes me laugh. Ha
So, I don't even know how long it has been since I have blogged.. Why am I picking it up again?? I have no idea. I think I'm bored on a Tuesday afternoon and have a lot going on inside of my heart right now so I need some way to let it out. I have now started my new life. And it is honestly the life I've dreamed of but never really thought would happen. I love how God works. I'm a First Year Student at Global School of Supernatural Ministry "Go Delta's" and I am LOVING every single minute of it. There are some things that sound like they will be stretching experiences, but God will never give me more than I can handle. I'm keeping Him to that word:).
So I decided to read my last blog entry to see the place I was at emotionally and spiritually and it honestly made me laugh to see what I said.
"Also, last year when the Global School came to our church and I was, I believe, commissioned, I felt like I was going to become this amazing person for Him, preaching to the nations, working in the prophetic, Him doing amazing healings through me, etc.... Now, I'm exaggerating when I say those things, but in my wildest, most craziest dreams, I thought that maybe something like that could maybe happen." Do you notice how I said, in my wildest and craziest dreams?! I look at those things and realize........... Oh my gosh. I've actually done/am doing those things. Now, preaching to the nations, maybe not. BUT I've been to Brazil and brought the gospel. And I don't think you have to preach from a pulpit to preach the gospel:). So I'm on my way.. aha.. But, God has been doing signs and wonders through my, what I thought were meaningless and inadequate, hands. He is using me in ways I dreamed of. Then as for the prophesying over someone, I just did that today. We have Bob Hazlett teaching us this week and he is strongly prophetic.. He has us prophesy over each other and the first time I got it right and then I am not sure about the second, but the guy seemed very cool about it. Point being, I prophesied! I did what I DREAMED of doing. Gahhh! And funny thing is, it all started with Global and now look at where I'm at. Yep, Global..... You're funny God, reallllll funny:).
So yeah, God is doing something in me. I'm not sure what, but I am starting to feel slight changes. Like today, when I prophesied over those people, I got nervous in the beginning but then I just wanted something to give them (not only cause I didn't want to look stupid) but I wanted to see if it bore witness with them. I wanted these people to be blessed and encouraged. So God was faithful and gave me something. Wether or not it was completely correct, I did it:). Another thing is, in a couple of weeks, we will be starting what Global calls, "Phase 2" which means we have to go out and do outreach. Now, we will be with a mentor, but as time goes on, we will then lead and then go by ourselves. And strangely enough, I'm not totally freaking out about it. I really feel like God is just working from the inside out to really not care what people may think of me. I'm just trusting in my Daddy and acting on what He told me and what the person does with it after that, is not something I have to be concerned about. God is on my side and He is taking all the shame and discouragement from me, so I'm good to go. They aren't rejecting me when they say no to prayer or a word, they are rejecting God. Thats what is so neat, He takes care of me.. He is like the big brother or dad who stands up for you when someone lets you down or makes fun of you.
I've also started noticing changes my quiet times and worship. I'm letting go, digging deeper, go after it and not caring. When I do worship again with Global, I'm gonna be myself, picture myself with Jesus and not care what everyone thinks of my voice. I will NOT live in that mindset of, it's all about me and what I sound/look like. It is honestly ONLY about worshiping my Lover and being with Him, so who honestly cares what the cute boy standing in the same room as me, listening to me, watching how goofy I look, thinks!? It DOESN'T matter. Its so freeing!
God is doing something in me.
Brazil here I come, life in the ministry, here I come, boldness like never before, here I come. Being who He has created me to be, here I come.
know Him
<3
So I decided to read my last blog entry to see the place I was at emotionally and spiritually and it honestly made me laugh to see what I said.
"Also, last year when the Global School came to our church and I was, I believe, commissioned, I felt like I was going to become this amazing person for Him, preaching to the nations, working in the prophetic, Him doing amazing healings through me, etc.... Now, I'm exaggerating when I say those things, but in my wildest, most craziest dreams, I thought that maybe something like that could maybe happen." Do you notice how I said, in my wildest and craziest dreams?! I look at those things and realize........... Oh my gosh. I've actually done/am doing those things. Now, preaching to the nations, maybe not. BUT I've been to Brazil and brought the gospel. And I don't think you have to preach from a pulpit to preach the gospel:). So I'm on my way.. aha.. But, God has been doing signs and wonders through my, what I thought were meaningless and inadequate, hands. He is using me in ways I dreamed of. Then as for the prophesying over someone, I just did that today. We have Bob Hazlett teaching us this week and he is strongly prophetic.. He has us prophesy over each other and the first time I got it right and then I am not sure about the second, but the guy seemed very cool about it. Point being, I prophesied! I did what I DREAMED of doing. Gahhh! And funny thing is, it all started with Global and now look at where I'm at. Yep, Global..... You're funny God, reallllll funny:).
So yeah, God is doing something in me. I'm not sure what, but I am starting to feel slight changes. Like today, when I prophesied over those people, I got nervous in the beginning but then I just wanted something to give them (not only cause I didn't want to look stupid) but I wanted to see if it bore witness with them. I wanted these people to be blessed and encouraged. So God was faithful and gave me something. Wether or not it was completely correct, I did it:). Another thing is, in a couple of weeks, we will be starting what Global calls, "Phase 2" which means we have to go out and do outreach. Now, we will be with a mentor, but as time goes on, we will then lead and then go by ourselves. And strangely enough, I'm not totally freaking out about it. I really feel like God is just working from the inside out to really not care what people may think of me. I'm just trusting in my Daddy and acting on what He told me and what the person does with it after that, is not something I have to be concerned about. God is on my side and He is taking all the shame and discouragement from me, so I'm good to go. They aren't rejecting me when they say no to prayer or a word, they are rejecting God. Thats what is so neat, He takes care of me.. He is like the big brother or dad who stands up for you when someone lets you down or makes fun of you.
I've also started noticing changes my quiet times and worship. I'm letting go, digging deeper, go after it and not caring. When I do worship again with Global, I'm gonna be myself, picture myself with Jesus and not care what everyone thinks of my voice. I will NOT live in that mindset of, it's all about me and what I sound/look like. It is honestly ONLY about worshiping my Lover and being with Him, so who honestly cares what the cute boy standing in the same room as me, listening to me, watching how goofy I look, thinks!? It DOESN'T matter. Its so freeing!
God is doing something in me.
Brazil here I come, life in the ministry, here I come, boldness like never before, here I come. Being who He has created me to be, here I come.
know Him
<3
Monday, March 2, 2009
Hmmm...
First, I just have to give a big thanks to Victoria for showing me Kari Jobe... Singing Over Me and My Beloved, wow:). I mean, they are all very good, but those are the ones that are standing out to me the most right now:).
So whats been going on? Well... in my heart, it seems like a lot... One.. I am beginning to realize things about myself that I really never thought about before.. Two Something in my heart snapped yesterday, slightly out of no where.
Now, if you are even going to read this, I have to warn you, it will probably be very all over the place:).
Ok, now that I have warned you, I will continue :). Well... I think that I have a million and one things I am thinking about.... Whats going on spiritually, college, conference, life. Oh boy:).
Spiritually, I have no clue whats going on... I am trying to seek my Maker, but its so eh right now =/. I feel like I've been so far away from Him recently and I'm trying to get back. I've started on this one book, There is More by Randy Clark. I bought it back in November, I think :), when I went through the Global school and I am finally starting it.. goodness.. haha.. And so far, it has been right on for me. I'm only in the intro part;) so I think thats a good thing that its going well. haha... And I was told by my very wonderful dad, that it is a great book, so I'm excited. I'm still in The Word and I'm in Hosea right now.. Today I read chapter 5 and wow..
5 Israel's arrogance testifies against them;
the Israelites, even Ephraim, stumble in their sin;
Judah also stumbles with them.
6 When they go with their flocks and herds
to seek the LORD,
they will not find him;
he has withdrawn himself from them.
It almost makes me cry when I read that last verse, he has withdrawn himself from them.
I can't imagine Papa not being with me. Even though He doesn't verbally speak to me and I can't see Him, just knowing He is here gives me peace. And if He wasn't here, with me, wow, I can't imagine it.
Then in chapter 7,
13 Woe to them,
because they have strayed from me!
Destruction to them,
because they have rebelled against me!
I long to redeem them
but they speak lies against me.
He longed to redeem them! Even after they had turned against Him, plotted evil against Him, He still loved them! These chapters are just reminding me of the amazing, inconceivable love He has for His people. I've always known of this love Papa has for me, but today, it really struck me, that He actually sings over me. When I can't hear it, when I'm feeling like poop, when I'm feeling so far away from Him, He is singing over me! Correct me if I'm wrong when I say that, but thats what I was thinking... I'm still trying to grasp that concept of Him singing over me, of Him passionately wanting me and only me, of Him pursuing me like crazy, of the whole Song of Solomon mindset.. Its just all so overwhelming. So thats where I am at right now with that:).
Also, last year when the Global School came to our church and I was, I believe, commissioned, I felt like I was going to become this amazing person for Him, preaching to the nations, working in the prophetic, Him doing amazing healings through me, etc.... Now, I'm exaggerating when I say those things, but in my wildest, most craziest dreams, I thought that maybe something like that could maybe happen. So I go from that week, excited and couldn't wait to see what He was going to do in me and through me. I think the month to follow was great, I felt like I was going somewhere with this "gift" and then like a wall was placed in front of me, it all seemed to stop. The doors were closed, I rarely ever thought about my "gift" and my calling. I think I am just wanting to do so much more with what Papa has given me than what I am doing. I want to win the nations for Him, live in the prophetic, all that crazy stuff;). I am so excited though, March 26-28, I'm going to a prophetic conference with my bestest friend ever. I am so excited, not only because I get to go with my best friend (which that alone would be beyond amazing), Victoria, but I am really hoping this will be not something to, "necessarily get me going," but I am hoping that it will be another important time in my life, where something amazing happens.. I'm hoping and praying:). So thats kinda whats going on, spiritually.. I'm so trying to get out of "religious" mindset. Where I spend an hour with Papa, because thats the "right" amount of time to spend with Him, where I make sure I have praise songs, where I get something out of The Word everyday. And none of that is bad, at all. But its the whole mindset, trying to make sure I do enough. But sometimes I think, no I know, He just wants to BE with me. Just like I want to be with the man I like or my favorite friends, even more so, He wants to just BE with me. He wants to hold me and sing over me. He wants to love me. I just... wow, trying to get it all:). So yeah... it's all starting to... make sense:).
As for school... Wow:). For awhile I've had the thought of going to a Bible college or something like that. College hasn't sounded like what I want to do at the moment so I am trying to figure it out. Tonight I had this random thought of going away to somewhere... And if you know me, you know I'm not much for leaving home. So that was a crazy thought.. I talked a bit with my mom about it.. and we talked a bit about YWAM. Hmm... Something to pray through.
As for my friends and family... Family is doing good:). Not too much is going on.. Noah is starting out patient therapy, which is a big change for my mom and everyone.. Other than that, not too much has changed:). Friends are wonderful. I love my bestest friend Victoria.. I'm gonna be doing a sleep over with Jessica and Kelsey very soon, which I'm real excited about and one of my wonderful friends comes home in about 11 days:D. March is going to be a wonderful month, I can tell:). It's funny, I have lots of "friends" but only a couple close ones I really, honestly love:) and hang out with:). I love my family and friends=D.
Well, if you have read this far, you are a true friend, and if you haven't, thats ok:), you are still a true friend.. haha.. Thanks for listening to me pouring out my confused soul:). I'll get it all together one of these days:). As for now, I'm still figuring it all out and waiting on my Papa. I love Him:).
know Him
<3emma
So whats been going on? Well... in my heart, it seems like a lot... One.. I am beginning to realize things about myself that I really never thought about before.. Two Something in my heart snapped yesterday, slightly out of no where.
Now, if you are even going to read this, I have to warn you, it will probably be very all over the place:).
Ok, now that I have warned you, I will continue :). Well... I think that I have a million and one things I am thinking about.... Whats going on spiritually, college, conference, life. Oh boy:).
Spiritually, I have no clue whats going on... I am trying to seek my Maker, but its so eh right now =/. I feel like I've been so far away from Him recently and I'm trying to get back. I've started on this one book, There is More by Randy Clark. I bought it back in November, I think :), when I went through the Global school and I am finally starting it.. goodness.. haha.. And so far, it has been right on for me. I'm only in the intro part;) so I think thats a good thing that its going well. haha... And I was told by my very wonderful dad, that it is a great book, so I'm excited. I'm still in The Word and I'm in Hosea right now.. Today I read chapter 5 and wow..
5 Israel's arrogance testifies against them;
the Israelites, even Ephraim, stumble in their sin;
Judah also stumbles with them.
6 When they go with their flocks and herds
to seek the LORD,
they will not find him;
he has withdrawn himself from them.
It almost makes me cry when I read that last verse, he has withdrawn himself from them.
I can't imagine Papa not being with me. Even though He doesn't verbally speak to me and I can't see Him, just knowing He is here gives me peace. And if He wasn't here, with me, wow, I can't imagine it.
Then in chapter 7,
13 Woe to them,
because they have strayed from me!
Destruction to them,
because they have rebelled against me!
I long to redeem them
but they speak lies against me.
He longed to redeem them! Even after they had turned against Him, plotted evil against Him, He still loved them! These chapters are just reminding me of the amazing, inconceivable love He has for His people. I've always known of this love Papa has for me, but today, it really struck me, that He actually sings over me. When I can't hear it, when I'm feeling like poop, when I'm feeling so far away from Him, He is singing over me! Correct me if I'm wrong when I say that, but thats what I was thinking... I'm still trying to grasp that concept of Him singing over me, of Him passionately wanting me and only me, of Him pursuing me like crazy, of the whole Song of Solomon mindset.. Its just all so overwhelming. So thats where I am at right now with that:).
Also, last year when the Global School came to our church and I was, I believe, commissioned, I felt like I was going to become this amazing person for Him, preaching to the nations, working in the prophetic, Him doing amazing healings through me, etc.... Now, I'm exaggerating when I say those things, but in my wildest, most craziest dreams, I thought that maybe something like that could maybe happen. So I go from that week, excited and couldn't wait to see what He was going to do in me and through me. I think the month to follow was great, I felt like I was going somewhere with this "gift" and then like a wall was placed in front of me, it all seemed to stop. The doors were closed, I rarely ever thought about my "gift" and my calling. I think I am just wanting to do so much more with what Papa has given me than what I am doing. I want to win the nations for Him, live in the prophetic, all that crazy stuff;). I am so excited though, March 26-28, I'm going to a prophetic conference with my bestest friend ever. I am so excited, not only because I get to go with my best friend (which that alone would be beyond amazing), Victoria, but I am really hoping this will be not something to, "necessarily get me going," but I am hoping that it will be another important time in my life, where something amazing happens.. I'm hoping and praying:). So thats kinda whats going on, spiritually.. I'm so trying to get out of "religious" mindset. Where I spend an hour with Papa, because thats the "right" amount of time to spend with Him, where I make sure I have praise songs, where I get something out of The Word everyday. And none of that is bad, at all. But its the whole mindset, trying to make sure I do enough. But sometimes I think, no I know, He just wants to BE with me. Just like I want to be with the man I like or my favorite friends, even more so, He wants to just BE with me. He wants to hold me and sing over me. He wants to love me. I just... wow, trying to get it all:). So yeah... it's all starting to... make sense:).
As for school... Wow:). For awhile I've had the thought of going to a Bible college or something like that. College hasn't sounded like what I want to do at the moment so I am trying to figure it out. Tonight I had this random thought of going away to somewhere... And if you know me, you know I'm not much for leaving home. So that was a crazy thought.. I talked a bit with my mom about it.. and we talked a bit about YWAM. Hmm... Something to pray through.
As for my friends and family... Family is doing good:). Not too much is going on.. Noah is starting out patient therapy, which is a big change for my mom and everyone.. Other than that, not too much has changed:). Friends are wonderful. I love my bestest friend Victoria.. I'm gonna be doing a sleep over with Jessica and Kelsey very soon, which I'm real excited about and one of my wonderful friends comes home in about 11 days:D. March is going to be a wonderful month, I can tell:). It's funny, I have lots of "friends" but only a couple close ones I really, honestly love:) and hang out with:). I love my family and friends=D.
Well, if you have read this far, you are a true friend, and if you haven't, thats ok:), you are still a true friend.. haha.. Thanks for listening to me pouring out my confused soul:). I'll get it all together one of these days:). As for now, I'm still figuring it all out and waiting on my Papa. I love Him:).
know Him
<3emma
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