I find myself sometimes trying to write down what's in my heart. I never really feel like I am adequate enough to really relay my heart, my thoughts, my emotions, but I make attempts and thats all that matters.
"What's the next season?" "What is in your heart?" "What is the Lord saying to you right now?" Are all questions I think I've been asking myself since I ended my last season. Truth be told, I think I've been asking myself those questions since high school, but none the less. Rough only begins to describe what I feel like I've been going through since leaving my "home" in Pennsylvania. Never did I think it was possible to get so close to people I hadn't know 9 months before leaving them in May. Family is a perfect word for those people. They honestly felt and continue to feel like family. They say that family knows you threw and threw, well those people know me threw and threw. They saw me at my worst, they saw me at my best, they took me for who I was. Not knowing my background, my past, my faults, my family, my gifts or what I could bring to the table for them, not know me. They loved me, for me and nothing else. No longer was I Pastor David Addesa's daughter, Miracle Boy's sister, one of Lisa's daughters or Hannah's crazy sister. I was know as Emma Addesa. Thats it. I was some random, goofy girl from Virginia that no one knew, who made up her own sayings and called her car (and many other things) "Bubby." At first I thought that would be a horrible thing but it wound up being the best thing that could have ever happened. Words can not describe how much I love my new, random, wonderful and goofy "family." Bethany, Canaan, Brandon, Cody, Jacob, Nikki, Jackie, Jordan, Mark, Jenny, Brian, Rachael, Nic, Casey, Lisa, Holly, Dan, Chris, Tim, Tyler and so many more people, make up my new family. I couldn't be more blessed..
While those people got to know all about me and what made me, ME, I also got to know me. I found out who I was.... Better yet, I found out who the Lord says I am. All my life I feel like I've been in my dad's shadow, my mom's, my sister's, my friends, I was who people thought/wanted me to be. Not anymore. I was becoming who I wanted to be, I was becoming who HE wanted me to be. These past nine months not only was I blessed with a bigger family, but I grew(and am still growing) to knew who I was in that family and what part I play.
Throughout the year, I would notice things about myself that I never had noticed before. At 18, I was becoming Emma Addesa:). I was gaining a voice. No longer was I an Esther but I was becoming a Deborah.
So many things happened this past season, but for me, that was one of the bigger things.
Another big thing, which in a big way ties into this previous thing of rambling, was who I am in Christ. Dan Mohler was the one who triggered it. *Thank the Lord for Dan.* He came to Global and said something like, "What you say and what you do to me, won't affect me. You can't offend me, no matter what you do. You know why? Cause my identity is not found in you. My acceptance is not found in you. My identity is found in the Lord, my acceptance is found in the Lord. I look to Him for my emotional fill." Let me tell you, that offended me beyond belief, in a very good way. I wasn't happy, but I knew my religiosity was being killed and it hurt so good:). All my life, I've been known as the emotional, sensitive one and let me tell you, I still am. But I'm not letting it control me and tell me how to live and who to be. So when people don't treat me how I'd like them to, when people don't say what I want them to, when they act like humans and hurt me or whatever the case may be, I'm beginning to realize how much emphasis I've put on PEOPLE. I then realized how little emphasis I put on the LORD. Scary, I know. Now mind you, I'm not perfect, so I do struggle with these things at times, but I'm growing and thats the most exciting part.
So yes, big things my friends, big things. Moving to Brazil is in the horizon and I'm freaking excited. Eu te amo Brasil:). I'm in a season of trying to learn how to love where I'm at. I'm trying to not feel trapped and hopeless because in the Lord, there is freedom and hope. I am who He says I am. I may not be where I want to be, in Brazil, ministering to broken woman. But I am in Virginia, being loved on by my Papa and my family. I'm resting in Him and just being. I'm preparing for a new, foreign (literally) season and its exciting and scary all at the same time. I have His peace and I have His acceptance. I am who He says I am.
Know Him
<3emma
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
God makes me laugh. Ha
So, I don't even know how long it has been since I have blogged.. Why am I picking it up again?? I have no idea. I think I'm bored on a Tuesday afternoon and have a lot going on inside of my heart right now so I need some way to let it out. I have now started my new life. And it is honestly the life I've dreamed of but never really thought would happen. I love how God works. I'm a First Year Student at Global School of Supernatural Ministry "Go Delta's" and I am LOVING every single minute of it. There are some things that sound like they will be stretching experiences, but God will never give me more than I can handle. I'm keeping Him to that word:).
So I decided to read my last blog entry to see the place I was at emotionally and spiritually and it honestly made me laugh to see what I said.
"Also, last year when the Global School came to our church and I was, I believe, commissioned, I felt like I was going to become this amazing person for Him, preaching to the nations, working in the prophetic, Him doing amazing healings through me, etc.... Now, I'm exaggerating when I say those things, but in my wildest, most craziest dreams, I thought that maybe something like that could maybe happen." Do you notice how I said, in my wildest and craziest dreams?! I look at those things and realize........... Oh my gosh. I've actually done/am doing those things. Now, preaching to the nations, maybe not. BUT I've been to Brazil and brought the gospel. And I don't think you have to preach from a pulpit to preach the gospel:). So I'm on my way.. aha.. But, God has been doing signs and wonders through my, what I thought were meaningless and inadequate, hands. He is using me in ways I dreamed of. Then as for the prophesying over someone, I just did that today. We have Bob Hazlett teaching us this week and he is strongly prophetic.. He has us prophesy over each other and the first time I got it right and then I am not sure about the second, but the guy seemed very cool about it. Point being, I prophesied! I did what I DREAMED of doing. Gahhh! And funny thing is, it all started with Global and now look at where I'm at. Yep, Global..... You're funny God, reallllll funny:).
So yeah, God is doing something in me. I'm not sure what, but I am starting to feel slight changes. Like today, when I prophesied over those people, I got nervous in the beginning but then I just wanted something to give them (not only cause I didn't want to look stupid) but I wanted to see if it bore witness with them. I wanted these people to be blessed and encouraged. So God was faithful and gave me something. Wether or not it was completely correct, I did it:). Another thing is, in a couple of weeks, we will be starting what Global calls, "Phase 2" which means we have to go out and do outreach. Now, we will be with a mentor, but as time goes on, we will then lead and then go by ourselves. And strangely enough, I'm not totally freaking out about it. I really feel like God is just working from the inside out to really not care what people may think of me. I'm just trusting in my Daddy and acting on what He told me and what the person does with it after that, is not something I have to be concerned about. God is on my side and He is taking all the shame and discouragement from me, so I'm good to go. They aren't rejecting me when they say no to prayer or a word, they are rejecting God. Thats what is so neat, He takes care of me.. He is like the big brother or dad who stands up for you when someone lets you down or makes fun of you.
I've also started noticing changes my quiet times and worship. I'm letting go, digging deeper, go after it and not caring. When I do worship again with Global, I'm gonna be myself, picture myself with Jesus and not care what everyone thinks of my voice. I will NOT live in that mindset of, it's all about me and what I sound/look like. It is honestly ONLY about worshiping my Lover and being with Him, so who honestly cares what the cute boy standing in the same room as me, listening to me, watching how goofy I look, thinks!? It DOESN'T matter. Its so freeing!
God is doing something in me.
Brazil here I come, life in the ministry, here I come, boldness like never before, here I come. Being who He has created me to be, here I come.
know Him
<3
So I decided to read my last blog entry to see the place I was at emotionally and spiritually and it honestly made me laugh to see what I said.
"Also, last year when the Global School came to our church and I was, I believe, commissioned, I felt like I was going to become this amazing person for Him, preaching to the nations, working in the prophetic, Him doing amazing healings through me, etc.... Now, I'm exaggerating when I say those things, but in my wildest, most craziest dreams, I thought that maybe something like that could maybe happen." Do you notice how I said, in my wildest and craziest dreams?! I look at those things and realize........... Oh my gosh. I've actually done/am doing those things. Now, preaching to the nations, maybe not. BUT I've been to Brazil and brought the gospel. And I don't think you have to preach from a pulpit to preach the gospel:). So I'm on my way.. aha.. But, God has been doing signs and wonders through my, what I thought were meaningless and inadequate, hands. He is using me in ways I dreamed of. Then as for the prophesying over someone, I just did that today. We have Bob Hazlett teaching us this week and he is strongly prophetic.. He has us prophesy over each other and the first time I got it right and then I am not sure about the second, but the guy seemed very cool about it. Point being, I prophesied! I did what I DREAMED of doing. Gahhh! And funny thing is, it all started with Global and now look at where I'm at. Yep, Global..... You're funny God, reallllll funny:).
So yeah, God is doing something in me. I'm not sure what, but I am starting to feel slight changes. Like today, when I prophesied over those people, I got nervous in the beginning but then I just wanted something to give them (not only cause I didn't want to look stupid) but I wanted to see if it bore witness with them. I wanted these people to be blessed and encouraged. So God was faithful and gave me something. Wether or not it was completely correct, I did it:). Another thing is, in a couple of weeks, we will be starting what Global calls, "Phase 2" which means we have to go out and do outreach. Now, we will be with a mentor, but as time goes on, we will then lead and then go by ourselves. And strangely enough, I'm not totally freaking out about it. I really feel like God is just working from the inside out to really not care what people may think of me. I'm just trusting in my Daddy and acting on what He told me and what the person does with it after that, is not something I have to be concerned about. God is on my side and He is taking all the shame and discouragement from me, so I'm good to go. They aren't rejecting me when they say no to prayer or a word, they are rejecting God. Thats what is so neat, He takes care of me.. He is like the big brother or dad who stands up for you when someone lets you down or makes fun of you.
I've also started noticing changes my quiet times and worship. I'm letting go, digging deeper, go after it and not caring. When I do worship again with Global, I'm gonna be myself, picture myself with Jesus and not care what everyone thinks of my voice. I will NOT live in that mindset of, it's all about me and what I sound/look like. It is honestly ONLY about worshiping my Lover and being with Him, so who honestly cares what the cute boy standing in the same room as me, listening to me, watching how goofy I look, thinks!? It DOESN'T matter. Its so freeing!
God is doing something in me.
Brazil here I come, life in the ministry, here I come, boldness like never before, here I come. Being who He has created me to be, here I come.
know Him
<3
Monday, March 2, 2009
Hmmm...
First, I just have to give a big thanks to Victoria for showing me Kari Jobe... Singing Over Me and My Beloved, wow:). I mean, they are all very good, but those are the ones that are standing out to me the most right now:).
So whats been going on? Well... in my heart, it seems like a lot... One.. I am beginning to realize things about myself that I really never thought about before.. Two Something in my heart snapped yesterday, slightly out of no where.
Now, if you are even going to read this, I have to warn you, it will probably be very all over the place:).
Ok, now that I have warned you, I will continue :). Well... I think that I have a million and one things I am thinking about.... Whats going on spiritually, college, conference, life. Oh boy:).
Spiritually, I have no clue whats going on... I am trying to seek my Maker, but its so eh right now =/. I feel like I've been so far away from Him recently and I'm trying to get back. I've started on this one book, There is More by Randy Clark. I bought it back in November, I think :), when I went through the Global school and I am finally starting it.. goodness.. haha.. And so far, it has been right on for me. I'm only in the intro part;) so I think thats a good thing that its going well. haha... And I was told by my very wonderful dad, that it is a great book, so I'm excited. I'm still in The Word and I'm in Hosea right now.. Today I read chapter 5 and wow..
5 Israel's arrogance testifies against them;
the Israelites, even Ephraim, stumble in their sin;
Judah also stumbles with them.
6 When they go with their flocks and herds
to seek the LORD,
they will not find him;
he has withdrawn himself from them.
It almost makes me cry when I read that last verse, he has withdrawn himself from them.
I can't imagine Papa not being with me. Even though He doesn't verbally speak to me and I can't see Him, just knowing He is here gives me peace. And if He wasn't here, with me, wow, I can't imagine it.
Then in chapter 7,
13 Woe to them,
because they have strayed from me!
Destruction to them,
because they have rebelled against me!
I long to redeem them
but they speak lies against me.
He longed to redeem them! Even after they had turned against Him, plotted evil against Him, He still loved them! These chapters are just reminding me of the amazing, inconceivable love He has for His people. I've always known of this love Papa has for me, but today, it really struck me, that He actually sings over me. When I can't hear it, when I'm feeling like poop, when I'm feeling so far away from Him, He is singing over me! Correct me if I'm wrong when I say that, but thats what I was thinking... I'm still trying to grasp that concept of Him singing over me, of Him passionately wanting me and only me, of Him pursuing me like crazy, of the whole Song of Solomon mindset.. Its just all so overwhelming. So thats where I am at right now with that:).
Also, last year when the Global School came to our church and I was, I believe, commissioned, I felt like I was going to become this amazing person for Him, preaching to the nations, working in the prophetic, Him doing amazing healings through me, etc.... Now, I'm exaggerating when I say those things, but in my wildest, most craziest dreams, I thought that maybe something like that could maybe happen. So I go from that week, excited and couldn't wait to see what He was going to do in me and through me. I think the month to follow was great, I felt like I was going somewhere with this "gift" and then like a wall was placed in front of me, it all seemed to stop. The doors were closed, I rarely ever thought about my "gift" and my calling. I think I am just wanting to do so much more with what Papa has given me than what I am doing. I want to win the nations for Him, live in the prophetic, all that crazy stuff;). I am so excited though, March 26-28, I'm going to a prophetic conference with my bestest friend ever. I am so excited, not only because I get to go with my best friend (which that alone would be beyond amazing), Victoria, but I am really hoping this will be not something to, "necessarily get me going," but I am hoping that it will be another important time in my life, where something amazing happens.. I'm hoping and praying:). So thats kinda whats going on, spiritually.. I'm so trying to get out of "religious" mindset. Where I spend an hour with Papa, because thats the "right" amount of time to spend with Him, where I make sure I have praise songs, where I get something out of The Word everyday. And none of that is bad, at all. But its the whole mindset, trying to make sure I do enough. But sometimes I think, no I know, He just wants to BE with me. Just like I want to be with the man I like or my favorite friends, even more so, He wants to just BE with me. He wants to hold me and sing over me. He wants to love me. I just... wow, trying to get it all:). So yeah... it's all starting to... make sense:).
As for school... Wow:). For awhile I've had the thought of going to a Bible college or something like that. College hasn't sounded like what I want to do at the moment so I am trying to figure it out. Tonight I had this random thought of going away to somewhere... And if you know me, you know I'm not much for leaving home. So that was a crazy thought.. I talked a bit with my mom about it.. and we talked a bit about YWAM. Hmm... Something to pray through.
As for my friends and family... Family is doing good:). Not too much is going on.. Noah is starting out patient therapy, which is a big change for my mom and everyone.. Other than that, not too much has changed:). Friends are wonderful. I love my bestest friend Victoria.. I'm gonna be doing a sleep over with Jessica and Kelsey very soon, which I'm real excited about and one of my wonderful friends comes home in about 11 days:D. March is going to be a wonderful month, I can tell:). It's funny, I have lots of "friends" but only a couple close ones I really, honestly love:) and hang out with:). I love my family and friends=D.
Well, if you have read this far, you are a true friend, and if you haven't, thats ok:), you are still a true friend.. haha.. Thanks for listening to me pouring out my confused soul:). I'll get it all together one of these days:). As for now, I'm still figuring it all out and waiting on my Papa. I love Him:).
know Him
<3emma
So whats been going on? Well... in my heart, it seems like a lot... One.. I am beginning to realize things about myself that I really never thought about before.. Two Something in my heart snapped yesterday, slightly out of no where.
Now, if you are even going to read this, I have to warn you, it will probably be very all over the place:).
Ok, now that I have warned you, I will continue :). Well... I think that I have a million and one things I am thinking about.... Whats going on spiritually, college, conference, life. Oh boy:).
Spiritually, I have no clue whats going on... I am trying to seek my Maker, but its so eh right now =/. I feel like I've been so far away from Him recently and I'm trying to get back. I've started on this one book, There is More by Randy Clark. I bought it back in November, I think :), when I went through the Global school and I am finally starting it.. goodness.. haha.. And so far, it has been right on for me. I'm only in the intro part;) so I think thats a good thing that its going well. haha... And I was told by my very wonderful dad, that it is a great book, so I'm excited. I'm still in The Word and I'm in Hosea right now.. Today I read chapter 5 and wow..
5 Israel's arrogance testifies against them;
the Israelites, even Ephraim, stumble in their sin;
Judah also stumbles with them.
6 When they go with their flocks and herds
to seek the LORD,
they will not find him;
he has withdrawn himself from them.
It almost makes me cry when I read that last verse, he has withdrawn himself from them.
I can't imagine Papa not being with me. Even though He doesn't verbally speak to me and I can't see Him, just knowing He is here gives me peace. And if He wasn't here, with me, wow, I can't imagine it.
Then in chapter 7,
13 Woe to them,
because they have strayed from me!
Destruction to them,
because they have rebelled against me!
I long to redeem them
but they speak lies against me.
He longed to redeem them! Even after they had turned against Him, plotted evil against Him, He still loved them! These chapters are just reminding me of the amazing, inconceivable love He has for His people. I've always known of this love Papa has for me, but today, it really struck me, that He actually sings over me. When I can't hear it, when I'm feeling like poop, when I'm feeling so far away from Him, He is singing over me! Correct me if I'm wrong when I say that, but thats what I was thinking... I'm still trying to grasp that concept of Him singing over me, of Him passionately wanting me and only me, of Him pursuing me like crazy, of the whole Song of Solomon mindset.. Its just all so overwhelming. So thats where I am at right now with that:).
Also, last year when the Global School came to our church and I was, I believe, commissioned, I felt like I was going to become this amazing person for Him, preaching to the nations, working in the prophetic, Him doing amazing healings through me, etc.... Now, I'm exaggerating when I say those things, but in my wildest, most craziest dreams, I thought that maybe something like that could maybe happen. So I go from that week, excited and couldn't wait to see what He was going to do in me and through me. I think the month to follow was great, I felt like I was going somewhere with this "gift" and then like a wall was placed in front of me, it all seemed to stop. The doors were closed, I rarely ever thought about my "gift" and my calling. I think I am just wanting to do so much more with what Papa has given me than what I am doing. I want to win the nations for Him, live in the prophetic, all that crazy stuff;). I am so excited though, March 26-28, I'm going to a prophetic conference with my bestest friend ever. I am so excited, not only because I get to go with my best friend (which that alone would be beyond amazing), Victoria, but I am really hoping this will be not something to, "necessarily get me going," but I am hoping that it will be another important time in my life, where something amazing happens.. I'm hoping and praying:). So thats kinda whats going on, spiritually.. I'm so trying to get out of "religious" mindset. Where I spend an hour with Papa, because thats the "right" amount of time to spend with Him, where I make sure I have praise songs, where I get something out of The Word everyday. And none of that is bad, at all. But its the whole mindset, trying to make sure I do enough. But sometimes I think, no I know, He just wants to BE with me. Just like I want to be with the man I like or my favorite friends, even more so, He wants to just BE with me. He wants to hold me and sing over me. He wants to love me. I just... wow, trying to get it all:). So yeah... it's all starting to... make sense:).
As for school... Wow:). For awhile I've had the thought of going to a Bible college or something like that. College hasn't sounded like what I want to do at the moment so I am trying to figure it out. Tonight I had this random thought of going away to somewhere... And if you know me, you know I'm not much for leaving home. So that was a crazy thought.. I talked a bit with my mom about it.. and we talked a bit about YWAM. Hmm... Something to pray through.
As for my friends and family... Family is doing good:). Not too much is going on.. Noah is starting out patient therapy, which is a big change for my mom and everyone.. Other than that, not too much has changed:). Friends are wonderful. I love my bestest friend Victoria.. I'm gonna be doing a sleep over with Jessica and Kelsey very soon, which I'm real excited about and one of my wonderful friends comes home in about 11 days:D. March is going to be a wonderful month, I can tell:). It's funny, I have lots of "friends" but only a couple close ones I really, honestly love:) and hang out with:). I love my family and friends=D.
Well, if you have read this far, you are a true friend, and if you haven't, thats ok:), you are still a true friend.. haha.. Thanks for listening to me pouring out my confused soul:). I'll get it all together one of these days:). As for now, I'm still figuring it all out and waiting on my Papa. I love Him:).
know Him
<3emma
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Funny:)
So it's kinda funny, almost every morning I seem to have a song in my head and they don't really seem to have much meaning to them, but today I had this song we've been singing in church, not sure of the name but I know a couple of the lyrics, in my head. I had these lyrics in my head, "Joy unspeakable that won't go away, just enough strength to live for today. So I'll never have to worry what tomorrow will bring, cause my faith is on solid rock, I'm counting on God." But the words, "Joy unspeakable that won't go away...." are the ones that really hit me. Since work is today, I knew I would really need some happiness and Papa gave me the word, joy. Thennnn I go to read my chapter for the day, Isaiah 60 and look what I find, " 5 Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will throb and swell with joy; the wealth on the seas will be brought to you, to you the riches of the nations will come." Whaaaa!? haha It made me laugh, for real. And then in 15 "Although you have been forsaken and hated, with no one traveling through, I will make you the everlasting pride and the joy of all generations." Papa never ceases to make me laugh and just blow my mind. It may not seem like an amazing thing to you, but I just love when He gives me certain words and then confirms them with the Word, randomly. I LOVE it:). And recently, I really trying to look at work like a "mission field." Like I'm there to be a light to the people there.. I don't know:) So on my hand today, "God is Joy." I love you Papa, you are amazing.
know Him
<3emma
know Him
<3emma
Friday, January 30, 2009
New Year
Wow.. it is already January 30th:). New year.. and going to try and lead my new life.. The begging of 08 was not much different then the others... I was leading my somewhat normal life. Junior in high school, thinking about getting a job, wondering what I would do in college, still slightly adjusting to life at home with Noah and the rest of the family, hanging out with friends and such, just living my life. Then June/July came, I got my first job at Wawas.. woo hoo:/. Summer came and I worked a bunch. Then September came and I started my last year of high school and was somewhat saddened by the fact that I had never gone to a "real" high school but soon got over that. For some reason, I thought I was missing out on something, since I didn't go to a public school. Goofball... Then October rolled around and that was when 2008 really became meaningful. November was also a big month for me. The whole global school was big... I learned so much about myself and my calling. It was all so wonderful. I grew closer to my one friend and grew away from another. My passions seemed to change and I'm still wondering what I'm really doing.
2009 has finally come and so far, it has been a wonderful year:). Mind you, it's only been 30 days of the new year, but it's been some of the best days I've ever had:).
I continue to try and seek my Papa and His presence. I find when I'm in His presence, I am at peace, I know that I belong. Just like that Cory Asbury and Matt Gilman, Where I Belong, I feel like I am made for that:). And I think it's funny, days that I am mad or just feel like poop, I haven't spent time with Him. So I'm still trying to stay faithful. Now don't get me wrong, I slip up and fail, but He always welcomes me back with this amazing, never-ending love that I still can't even begin to comprehend. Some things that I have been thinking about, He has always been jealous for me and my love, but have I ever been jealous for His?? And awhile ago, I was really thinking about that whole "living sacrifice" thing. I want to learn how to be one for Him. He at-least deserves that much of me. I'm kinda reading Crazy Love, right now, I have to pick it up again. Next, maybe a prophetic book that I got at the school of healing. I just want to know Him and all about Him. My Papa is so amazing.
Work is..... going:). I try to have a good attitude, but some days it gets hard. It's funny though, I try and write things about Him on my hand that day, that I think He is to me. Like today, I wrote, "He is peace." And almost every time I write something, one of my co-workers will see it. They will sometimes ask and I tell them what it says. Then they don't say much=p. But the other day, a girl that works with me told me she became a Christian and she really wanted to tell me about it:). Then there are others, who I don't tell that I'm a Christian and just try to be nice to them:). They will ask me, why are you so happy and nice?? haha so yeah:). I'm trying to see, that I can be a light there, even though I really hate being there. There is a purpose for me being there:D....
Friends?? Well yes, I have wonderful friends:). I love me some Victoria:D haha.. She is an amazing woman of God and I hope someday to actually be close to Him like she is:). My wonderful sister, Hannah is amazing.. I love her with all my heart. I've started to grow close to Leah these past couple of months and have loved every minute of it. She is also an amazing woman of God, continually seeking His face and His ways. Then we have Karlie:D. She is going after God more that ever and it is amazing. I miss her face very much and hope she is having a wonderful time at YWAM:). Kelsey is also amazing:). She continues to listen to me talk, all the time:) and encourages me in everything:). As for my man friends=p, I've grown pretty close with this wonderful guy, Jonathan. Always known him, but never really "known" him:) and I've loved getting to know him:D and can't wait till March:D. ahah. I talk to Alex and Chris every once and awhile and wish Chris was still living here.. Miss that guy. Bryan (more of Hannah's friend:)) has become part of the family, or so it seems=p. So yeah.. I have wonderful friends:).
So what am I hoping 2009 holds?? More of Papa. I can't wait to see where He takes me:). I still have yet to figure out where I'm going after high school, but He will tell me when I need to know, just bad at waiting:). Work wise, I'm hopefully going to be leaving Wawas soon:). We shall see:). Friendship wise, I hope I continue to grow closer to friends and I can't wait:). Other than that, just trying to fulfill my destiny in my Papa. Thank you if you have even read this far, I give you a lot of credit:).
P.S. I hoping to have a more life-changing post soon:)haha.
Know Him
<3emma
2009 has finally come and so far, it has been a wonderful year:). Mind you, it's only been 30 days of the new year, but it's been some of the best days I've ever had:).
I continue to try and seek my Papa and His presence. I find when I'm in His presence, I am at peace, I know that I belong. Just like that Cory Asbury and Matt Gilman, Where I Belong, I feel like I am made for that:). And I think it's funny, days that I am mad or just feel like poop, I haven't spent time with Him. So I'm still trying to stay faithful. Now don't get me wrong, I slip up and fail, but He always welcomes me back with this amazing, never-ending love that I still can't even begin to comprehend. Some things that I have been thinking about, He has always been jealous for me and my love, but have I ever been jealous for His?? And awhile ago, I was really thinking about that whole "living sacrifice" thing. I want to learn how to be one for Him. He at-least deserves that much of me. I'm kinda reading Crazy Love, right now, I have to pick it up again. Next, maybe a prophetic book that I got at the school of healing. I just want to know Him and all about Him. My Papa is so amazing.
Work is..... going:). I try to have a good attitude, but some days it gets hard. It's funny though, I try and write things about Him on my hand that day, that I think He is to me. Like today, I wrote, "He is peace." And almost every time I write something, one of my co-workers will see it. They will sometimes ask and I tell them what it says. Then they don't say much=p. But the other day, a girl that works with me told me she became a Christian and she really wanted to tell me about it:). Then there are others, who I don't tell that I'm a Christian and just try to be nice to them:). They will ask me, why are you so happy and nice?? haha so yeah:). I'm trying to see, that I can be a light there, even though I really hate being there. There is a purpose for me being there:D....
Friends?? Well yes, I have wonderful friends:). I love me some Victoria:D haha.. She is an amazing woman of God and I hope someday to actually be close to Him like she is:). My wonderful sister, Hannah is amazing.. I love her with all my heart. I've started to grow close to Leah these past couple of months and have loved every minute of it. She is also an amazing woman of God, continually seeking His face and His ways. Then we have Karlie:D. She is going after God more that ever and it is amazing. I miss her face very much and hope she is having a wonderful time at YWAM:). Kelsey is also amazing:). She continues to listen to me talk, all the time:) and encourages me in everything:). As for my man friends=p, I've grown pretty close with this wonderful guy, Jonathan. Always known him, but never really "known" him:) and I've loved getting to know him:D and can't wait till March:D. ahah. I talk to Alex and Chris every once and awhile and wish Chris was still living here.. Miss that guy. Bryan (more of Hannah's friend:)) has become part of the family, or so it seems=p. So yeah.. I have wonderful friends:).
So what am I hoping 2009 holds?? More of Papa. I can't wait to see where He takes me:). I still have yet to figure out where I'm going after high school, but He will tell me when I need to know, just bad at waiting:). Work wise, I'm hopefully going to be leaving Wawas soon:). We shall see:). Friendship wise, I hope I continue to grow closer to friends and I can't wait:). Other than that, just trying to fulfill my destiny in my Papa. Thank you if you have even read this far, I give you a lot of credit:).
P.S. I hoping to have a more life-changing post soon:)haha.
Know Him
<3emma
Saturday, November 22, 2008
These days....
So what have I been up to these days???? Finding my Papa. I love calling Him by that name=). But yeah, I really have. Last Friday night, November 14, God commissioned me. He told me, through others, that He would open doors for me and He has. There is so much to tell about what happened, but what really stood out to me was that I am going to be a "nurse" to hearts. And when I say nurse, I mean like, emotional nurse. It's funny, cause about a year ago, I was really thinking about going into the medical field, but awhile ago (maybe 5 or more months ago), my heart hasn't been anywhere near the medical field. I am not there anymore. I want to live in God, at His feet, in His presents, finding HIM. I am now reading the book, by H. A. Baker- Visions Beyond the Veil. So good.... It is talking about these kids getting to actually see Him and sit at His feet. They got to actually see and dance with angels, wow. It make me so jealous that I wasn't apart of it. I have been wanting soo bad to just really see His face, feel my Papa, know my Papa. So wow, that's a lottt of different things in one so I'm kinda all over the place=p, sorry.
Last Friday though, was amazing. The whole past week was amazing. Wednesday morning (the 12th), our church and many others started the School of Healing. When I first got there, I thought maybe it wasn't really going to be for me at all. I thought I would just "be apart" of it. I didn't think God was going to work through me at all so I went to every session, and just watched what God was doing in everyone else. But on Friday night, Papa met me. He called me out and again, reminded me of my destiny, in front of the whole school=p. I was a crying mess, but I don't care, at all. Prophetic preacher, leader of woman, I am going to minister to woman, I will be a nurse to the emotional hurts, angels were assigned to me, the whole kit and caboodle. If I sound like I am boasting, please forgive me. I just get really excited and anxious when I think about Papa using me and the things He will be doing through me. So Friday night, was said to be my night of commissioning and I am so excited.
So tonight, we had a dinner at our church for people that live in the apartments next to my church and I was asked to be a part of a team that gave words of knowledge. I at first was not sure if I was supposed to because I have only gotten one word of knowledge so far, so of course, I prayed and asked Papa, what I should do. He told me yes. So all week I had been praying that God would show up and use me and I think He did. Now, revival didn't break out, but (I believe) He healed a young woman through me and that was an amazing feeling. We got words for people and they all held true. The young woman I prayed for, for emotional healing;), yet again, what I believe He is using me for, so conformation again;), was touched. When one of the leaders said he had a word for a woman that had just come through a tough past relationship, got hurt, I pictured this one girl (the girl I wound up praying for;)) in my head but I didn't know if it was just me or if it was really God telling me it was this girl. So I didn't do anything but when this leader told the group about what God was telling him, I was standing near that girl and she broke down and started to cry. It WAS for her! Papa really DID tell me that!!!!!! You don't know how happy that made me feel. He REALLY was talking to ME! Ohhh myyy!! So that was sooo cool. I am really starting to feel like God IS going to use me=D. So it has been a neat past couple of weeks. I am praying now that God is really going to continue to open doors for me to step out of my comfort zone and become who I am made to me. I love you Papa=D.
know Him
<3 emma
Last Friday though, was amazing. The whole past week was amazing. Wednesday morning (the 12th), our church and many others started the School of Healing. When I first got there, I thought maybe it wasn't really going to be for me at all. I thought I would just "be apart" of it. I didn't think God was going to work through me at all so I went to every session, and just watched what God was doing in everyone else. But on Friday night, Papa met me. He called me out and again, reminded me of my destiny, in front of the whole school=p. I was a crying mess, but I don't care, at all. Prophetic preacher, leader of woman, I am going to minister to woman, I will be a nurse to the emotional hurts, angels were assigned to me, the whole kit and caboodle. If I sound like I am boasting, please forgive me. I just get really excited and anxious when I think about Papa using me and the things He will be doing through me. So Friday night, was said to be my night of commissioning and I am so excited.
So tonight, we had a dinner at our church for people that live in the apartments next to my church and I was asked to be a part of a team that gave words of knowledge. I at first was not sure if I was supposed to because I have only gotten one word of knowledge so far, so of course, I prayed and asked Papa, what I should do. He told me yes. So all week I had been praying that God would show up and use me and I think He did. Now, revival didn't break out, but (I believe) He healed a young woman through me and that was an amazing feeling. We got words for people and they all held true. The young woman I prayed for, for emotional healing;), yet again, what I believe He is using me for, so conformation again;), was touched. When one of the leaders said he had a word for a woman that had just come through a tough past relationship, got hurt, I pictured this one girl (the girl I wound up praying for;)) in my head but I didn't know if it was just me or if it was really God telling me it was this girl. So I didn't do anything but when this leader told the group about what God was telling him, I was standing near that girl and she broke down and started to cry. It WAS for her! Papa really DID tell me that!!!!!! You don't know how happy that made me feel. He REALLY was talking to ME! Ohhh myyy!! So that was sooo cool. I am really starting to feel like God IS going to use me=D. So it has been a neat past couple of weeks. I am praying now that God is really going to continue to open doors for me to step out of my comfort zone and become who I am made to me. I love you Papa=D.
know Him
<3 emma
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
He is so holy
Wow, how my heart has changed in this past week or so, in a great way.
Well to start off, Corey Russell, from IHOP (International House of Prayer) came to my church from Oct 24th- Oct 26th. And wow, was it amazing.http://www.harvestva.org/online-sermons.asp is where you can listen to his messages. You MUST listen, MUST. But as I have told the oh so wonderful Victoria, I am so full right now, spiritually. I think everyone is, though. I don't even know where to begin. I have been really trying to get back to The Word and the first day, all I could get was He is so holy. I have always known that, but for some reason, I just wept when I thought of Him and His holiness. I will NEVER and I mean NEVER stop getting revelations of Him and how big He is. I can't grasp that thought. We are such minute people and have pretty much everything on earth understood so for me, it is beyond hard to think that I will NEVER, and yet again, NEVER completely know God. As I type this, it makes me cry. He is so holy, so awesome, so magnificent, so omnipotent-All power, so.. everything great and mighty. . That's all I can say. hahaha. I mean, if you really think about it, really, it is mind boggling. So anyways... that may be nothing new to you, as it isn't to me, but I just think, sometimes it is a really good thing to think about when we think that life isn't going good, or we think we could do things better than Him, or whatever. He is so high above us. He is So Holy.
But other than that... Just other things he is showing me. I am still waiting for my breakthrough but I am pressing on.
Matthew 25:21 - "His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
I want that for my life. I want to be faithful in the little things so I will be in charge of many things.
He is so holy.
know Him~
<3 emma
Well to start off, Corey Russell, from IHOP (International House of Prayer) came to my church from Oct 24th- Oct 26th. And wow, was it amazing.http://www.harvestva.org/online-sermons.asp is where you can listen to his messages. You MUST listen, MUST. But as I have told the oh so wonderful Victoria, I am so full right now, spiritually. I think everyone is, though. I don't even know where to begin. I have been really trying to get back to The Word and the first day, all I could get was He is so holy. I have always known that, but for some reason, I just wept when I thought of Him and His holiness. I will NEVER and I mean NEVER stop getting revelations of Him and how big He is. I can't grasp that thought. We are such minute people and have pretty much everything on earth understood so for me, it is beyond hard to think that I will NEVER, and yet again, NEVER completely know God. As I type this, it makes me cry. He is so holy, so awesome, so magnificent, so omnipotent-All power, so.. everything great and mighty. . That's all I can say. hahaha. I mean, if you really think about it, really, it is mind boggling. So anyways... that may be nothing new to you, as it isn't to me, but I just think, sometimes it is a really good thing to think about when we think that life isn't going good, or we think we could do things better than Him, or whatever. He is so high above us. He is So Holy.
But other than that... Just other things he is showing me. I am still waiting for my breakthrough but I am pressing on.
Matthew 25:21 - "His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'
I want that for my life. I want to be faithful in the little things so I will be in charge of many things.
He is so holy.
know Him~
<3 emma
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