So, I don't even know how long it has been since I have blogged.. Why am I picking it up again?? I have no idea. I think I'm bored on a Tuesday afternoon and have a lot going on inside of my heart right now so I need some way to let it out. I have now started my new life. And it is honestly the life I've dreamed of but never really thought would happen. I love how God works. I'm a First Year Student at Global School of Supernatural Ministry "Go Delta's" and I am LOVING every single minute of it. There are some things that sound like they will be stretching experiences, but God will never give me more than I can handle. I'm keeping Him to that word:).
So I decided to read my last blog entry to see the place I was at emotionally and spiritually and it honestly made me laugh to see what I said.
"Also, last year when the Global School came to our church and I was, I believe, commissioned, I felt like I was going to become this amazing person for Him, preaching to the nations, working in the prophetic, Him doing amazing healings through me, etc.... Now, I'm exaggerating when I say those things, but in my wildest, most craziest dreams, I thought that maybe something like that could maybe happen." Do you notice how I said, in my wildest and craziest dreams?! I look at those things and realize........... Oh my gosh. I've actually done/am doing those things. Now, preaching to the nations, maybe not. BUT I've been to Brazil and brought the gospel. And I don't think you have to preach from a pulpit to preach the gospel:). So I'm on my way.. aha.. But, God has been doing signs and wonders through my, what I thought were meaningless and inadequate, hands. He is using me in ways I dreamed of. Then as for the prophesying over someone, I just did that today. We have Bob Hazlett teaching us this week and he is strongly prophetic.. He has us prophesy over each other and the first time I got it right and then I am not sure about the second, but the guy seemed very cool about it. Point being, I prophesied! I did what I DREAMED of doing. Gahhh! And funny thing is, it all started with Global and now look at where I'm at. Yep, Global..... You're funny God, reallllll funny:).
So yeah, God is doing something in me. I'm not sure what, but I am starting to feel slight changes. Like today, when I prophesied over those people, I got nervous in the beginning but then I just wanted something to give them (not only cause I didn't want to look stupid) but I wanted to see if it bore witness with them. I wanted these people to be blessed and encouraged. So God was faithful and gave me something. Wether or not it was completely correct, I did it:). Another thing is, in a couple of weeks, we will be starting what Global calls, "Phase 2" which means we have to go out and do outreach. Now, we will be with a mentor, but as time goes on, we will then lead and then go by ourselves. And strangely enough, I'm not totally freaking out about it. I really feel like God is just working from the inside out to really not care what people may think of me. I'm just trusting in my Daddy and acting on what He told me and what the person does with it after that, is not something I have to be concerned about. God is on my side and He is taking all the shame and discouragement from me, so I'm good to go. They aren't rejecting me when they say no to prayer or a word, they are rejecting God. Thats what is so neat, He takes care of me.. He is like the big brother or dad who stands up for you when someone lets you down or makes fun of you.
I've also started noticing changes my quiet times and worship. I'm letting go, digging deeper, go after it and not caring. When I do worship again with Global, I'm gonna be myself, picture myself with Jesus and not care what everyone thinks of my voice. I will NOT live in that mindset of, it's all about me and what I sound/look like. It is honestly ONLY about worshiping my Lover and being with Him, so who honestly cares what the cute boy standing in the same room as me, listening to me, watching how goofy I look, thinks!? It DOESN'T matter. Its so freeing!
God is doing something in me.
Brazil here I come, life in the ministry, here I come, boldness like never before, here I come. Being who He has created me to be, here I come.
know Him
<3
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Hmmm...
First, I just have to give a big thanks to Victoria for showing me Kari Jobe... Singing Over Me and My Beloved, wow:). I mean, they are all very good, but those are the ones that are standing out to me the most right now:).
So whats been going on? Well... in my heart, it seems like a lot... One.. I am beginning to realize things about myself that I really never thought about before.. Two Something in my heart snapped yesterday, slightly out of no where.
Now, if you are even going to read this, I have to warn you, it will probably be very all over the place:).
Ok, now that I have warned you, I will continue :). Well... I think that I have a million and one things I am thinking about.... Whats going on spiritually, college, conference, life. Oh boy:).
Spiritually, I have no clue whats going on... I am trying to seek my Maker, but its so eh right now =/. I feel like I've been so far away from Him recently and I'm trying to get back. I've started on this one book, There is More by Randy Clark. I bought it back in November, I think :), when I went through the Global school and I am finally starting it.. goodness.. haha.. And so far, it has been right on for me. I'm only in the intro part;) so I think thats a good thing that its going well. haha... And I was told by my very wonderful dad, that it is a great book, so I'm excited. I'm still in The Word and I'm in Hosea right now.. Today I read chapter 5 and wow..
5 Israel's arrogance testifies against them;
the Israelites, even Ephraim, stumble in their sin;
Judah also stumbles with them.
6 When they go with their flocks and herds
to seek the LORD,
they will not find him;
he has withdrawn himself from them.
It almost makes me cry when I read that last verse, he has withdrawn himself from them.
I can't imagine Papa not being with me. Even though He doesn't verbally speak to me and I can't see Him, just knowing He is here gives me peace. And if He wasn't here, with me, wow, I can't imagine it.
Then in chapter 7,
13 Woe to them,
because they have strayed from me!
Destruction to them,
because they have rebelled against me!
I long to redeem them
but they speak lies against me.
He longed to redeem them! Even after they had turned against Him, plotted evil against Him, He still loved them! These chapters are just reminding me of the amazing, inconceivable love He has for His people. I've always known of this love Papa has for me, but today, it really struck me, that He actually sings over me. When I can't hear it, when I'm feeling like poop, when I'm feeling so far away from Him, He is singing over me! Correct me if I'm wrong when I say that, but thats what I was thinking... I'm still trying to grasp that concept of Him singing over me, of Him passionately wanting me and only me, of Him pursuing me like crazy, of the whole Song of Solomon mindset.. Its just all so overwhelming. So thats where I am at right now with that:).
Also, last year when the Global School came to our church and I was, I believe, commissioned, I felt like I was going to become this amazing person for Him, preaching to the nations, working in the prophetic, Him doing amazing healings through me, etc.... Now, I'm exaggerating when I say those things, but in my wildest, most craziest dreams, I thought that maybe something like that could maybe happen. So I go from that week, excited and couldn't wait to see what He was going to do in me and through me. I think the month to follow was great, I felt like I was going somewhere with this "gift" and then like a wall was placed in front of me, it all seemed to stop. The doors were closed, I rarely ever thought about my "gift" and my calling. I think I am just wanting to do so much more with what Papa has given me than what I am doing. I want to win the nations for Him, live in the prophetic, all that crazy stuff;). I am so excited though, March 26-28, I'm going to a prophetic conference with my bestest friend ever. I am so excited, not only because I get to go with my best friend (which that alone would be beyond amazing), Victoria, but I am really hoping this will be not something to, "necessarily get me going," but I am hoping that it will be another important time in my life, where something amazing happens.. I'm hoping and praying:). So thats kinda whats going on, spiritually.. I'm so trying to get out of "religious" mindset. Where I spend an hour with Papa, because thats the "right" amount of time to spend with Him, where I make sure I have praise songs, where I get something out of The Word everyday. And none of that is bad, at all. But its the whole mindset, trying to make sure I do enough. But sometimes I think, no I know, He just wants to BE with me. Just like I want to be with the man I like or my favorite friends, even more so, He wants to just BE with me. He wants to hold me and sing over me. He wants to love me. I just... wow, trying to get it all:). So yeah... it's all starting to... make sense:).
As for school... Wow:). For awhile I've had the thought of going to a Bible college or something like that. College hasn't sounded like what I want to do at the moment so I am trying to figure it out. Tonight I had this random thought of going away to somewhere... And if you know me, you know I'm not much for leaving home. So that was a crazy thought.. I talked a bit with my mom about it.. and we talked a bit about YWAM. Hmm... Something to pray through.
As for my friends and family... Family is doing good:). Not too much is going on.. Noah is starting out patient therapy, which is a big change for my mom and everyone.. Other than that, not too much has changed:). Friends are wonderful. I love my bestest friend Victoria.. I'm gonna be doing a sleep over with Jessica and Kelsey very soon, which I'm real excited about and one of my wonderful friends comes home in about 11 days:D. March is going to be a wonderful month, I can tell:). It's funny, I have lots of "friends" but only a couple close ones I really, honestly love:) and hang out with:). I love my family and friends=D.
Well, if you have read this far, you are a true friend, and if you haven't, thats ok:), you are still a true friend.. haha.. Thanks for listening to me pouring out my confused soul:). I'll get it all together one of these days:). As for now, I'm still figuring it all out and waiting on my Papa. I love Him:).
know Him
<3emma
So whats been going on? Well... in my heart, it seems like a lot... One.. I am beginning to realize things about myself that I really never thought about before.. Two Something in my heart snapped yesterday, slightly out of no where.
Now, if you are even going to read this, I have to warn you, it will probably be very all over the place:).
Ok, now that I have warned you, I will continue :). Well... I think that I have a million and one things I am thinking about.... Whats going on spiritually, college, conference, life. Oh boy:).
Spiritually, I have no clue whats going on... I am trying to seek my Maker, but its so eh right now =/. I feel like I've been so far away from Him recently and I'm trying to get back. I've started on this one book, There is More by Randy Clark. I bought it back in November, I think :), when I went through the Global school and I am finally starting it.. goodness.. haha.. And so far, it has been right on for me. I'm only in the intro part;) so I think thats a good thing that its going well. haha... And I was told by my very wonderful dad, that it is a great book, so I'm excited. I'm still in The Word and I'm in Hosea right now.. Today I read chapter 5 and wow..
5 Israel's arrogance testifies against them;
the Israelites, even Ephraim, stumble in their sin;
Judah also stumbles with them.
6 When they go with their flocks and herds
to seek the LORD,
they will not find him;
he has withdrawn himself from them.
It almost makes me cry when I read that last verse, he has withdrawn himself from them.
I can't imagine Papa not being with me. Even though He doesn't verbally speak to me and I can't see Him, just knowing He is here gives me peace. And if He wasn't here, with me, wow, I can't imagine it.
Then in chapter 7,
13 Woe to them,
because they have strayed from me!
Destruction to them,
because they have rebelled against me!
I long to redeem them
but they speak lies against me.
He longed to redeem them! Even after they had turned against Him, plotted evil against Him, He still loved them! These chapters are just reminding me of the amazing, inconceivable love He has for His people. I've always known of this love Papa has for me, but today, it really struck me, that He actually sings over me. When I can't hear it, when I'm feeling like poop, when I'm feeling so far away from Him, He is singing over me! Correct me if I'm wrong when I say that, but thats what I was thinking... I'm still trying to grasp that concept of Him singing over me, of Him passionately wanting me and only me, of Him pursuing me like crazy, of the whole Song of Solomon mindset.. Its just all so overwhelming. So thats where I am at right now with that:).
Also, last year when the Global School came to our church and I was, I believe, commissioned, I felt like I was going to become this amazing person for Him, preaching to the nations, working in the prophetic, Him doing amazing healings through me, etc.... Now, I'm exaggerating when I say those things, but in my wildest, most craziest dreams, I thought that maybe something like that could maybe happen. So I go from that week, excited and couldn't wait to see what He was going to do in me and through me. I think the month to follow was great, I felt like I was going somewhere with this "gift" and then like a wall was placed in front of me, it all seemed to stop. The doors were closed, I rarely ever thought about my "gift" and my calling. I think I am just wanting to do so much more with what Papa has given me than what I am doing. I want to win the nations for Him, live in the prophetic, all that crazy stuff;). I am so excited though, March 26-28, I'm going to a prophetic conference with my bestest friend ever. I am so excited, not only because I get to go with my best friend (which that alone would be beyond amazing), Victoria, but I am really hoping this will be not something to, "necessarily get me going," but I am hoping that it will be another important time in my life, where something amazing happens.. I'm hoping and praying:). So thats kinda whats going on, spiritually.. I'm so trying to get out of "religious" mindset. Where I spend an hour with Papa, because thats the "right" amount of time to spend with Him, where I make sure I have praise songs, where I get something out of The Word everyday. And none of that is bad, at all. But its the whole mindset, trying to make sure I do enough. But sometimes I think, no I know, He just wants to BE with me. Just like I want to be with the man I like or my favorite friends, even more so, He wants to just BE with me. He wants to hold me and sing over me. He wants to love me. I just... wow, trying to get it all:). So yeah... it's all starting to... make sense:).
As for school... Wow:). For awhile I've had the thought of going to a Bible college or something like that. College hasn't sounded like what I want to do at the moment so I am trying to figure it out. Tonight I had this random thought of going away to somewhere... And if you know me, you know I'm not much for leaving home. So that was a crazy thought.. I talked a bit with my mom about it.. and we talked a bit about YWAM. Hmm... Something to pray through.
As for my friends and family... Family is doing good:). Not too much is going on.. Noah is starting out patient therapy, which is a big change for my mom and everyone.. Other than that, not too much has changed:). Friends are wonderful. I love my bestest friend Victoria.. I'm gonna be doing a sleep over with Jessica and Kelsey very soon, which I'm real excited about and one of my wonderful friends comes home in about 11 days:D. March is going to be a wonderful month, I can tell:). It's funny, I have lots of "friends" but only a couple close ones I really, honestly love:) and hang out with:). I love my family and friends=D.
Well, if you have read this far, you are a true friend, and if you haven't, thats ok:), you are still a true friend.. haha.. Thanks for listening to me pouring out my confused soul:). I'll get it all together one of these days:). As for now, I'm still figuring it all out and waiting on my Papa. I love Him:).
know Him
<3emma
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Funny:)
So it's kinda funny, almost every morning I seem to have a song in my head and they don't really seem to have much meaning to them, but today I had this song we've been singing in church, not sure of the name but I know a couple of the lyrics, in my head. I had these lyrics in my head, "Joy unspeakable that won't go away, just enough strength to live for today. So I'll never have to worry what tomorrow will bring, cause my faith is on solid rock, I'm counting on God." But the words, "Joy unspeakable that won't go away...." are the ones that really hit me. Since work is today, I knew I would really need some happiness and Papa gave me the word, joy. Thennnn I go to read my chapter for the day, Isaiah 60 and look what I find, " 5 Then you will look and be radiant, your heart will throb and swell with joy; the wealth on the seas will be brought to you, to you the riches of the nations will come." Whaaaa!? haha It made me laugh, for real. And then in 15 "Although you have been forsaken and hated, with no one traveling through, I will make you the everlasting pride and the joy of all generations." Papa never ceases to make me laugh and just blow my mind. It may not seem like an amazing thing to you, but I just love when He gives me certain words and then confirms them with the Word, randomly. I LOVE it:). And recently, I really trying to look at work like a "mission field." Like I'm there to be a light to the people there.. I don't know:) So on my hand today, "God is Joy." I love you Papa, you are amazing.
know Him
<3emma
know Him
<3emma
Friday, January 30, 2009
New Year
Wow.. it is already January 30th:). New year.. and going to try and lead my new life.. The begging of 08 was not much different then the others... I was leading my somewhat normal life. Junior in high school, thinking about getting a job, wondering what I would do in college, still slightly adjusting to life at home with Noah and the rest of the family, hanging out with friends and such, just living my life. Then June/July came, I got my first job at Wawas.. woo hoo:/. Summer came and I worked a bunch. Then September came and I started my last year of high school and was somewhat saddened by the fact that I had never gone to a "real" high school but soon got over that. For some reason, I thought I was missing out on something, since I didn't go to a public school. Goofball... Then October rolled around and that was when 2008 really became meaningful. November was also a big month for me. The whole global school was big... I learned so much about myself and my calling. It was all so wonderful. I grew closer to my one friend and grew away from another. My passions seemed to change and I'm still wondering what I'm really doing.
2009 has finally come and so far, it has been a wonderful year:). Mind you, it's only been 30 days of the new year, but it's been some of the best days I've ever had:).
I continue to try and seek my Papa and His presence. I find when I'm in His presence, I am at peace, I know that I belong. Just like that Cory Asbury and Matt Gilman, Where I Belong, I feel like I am made for that:). And I think it's funny, days that I am mad or just feel like poop, I haven't spent time with Him. So I'm still trying to stay faithful. Now don't get me wrong, I slip up and fail, but He always welcomes me back with this amazing, never-ending love that I still can't even begin to comprehend. Some things that I have been thinking about, He has always been jealous for me and my love, but have I ever been jealous for His?? And awhile ago, I was really thinking about that whole "living sacrifice" thing. I want to learn how to be one for Him. He at-least deserves that much of me. I'm kinda reading Crazy Love, right now, I have to pick it up again. Next, maybe a prophetic book that I got at the school of healing. I just want to know Him and all about Him. My Papa is so amazing.
Work is..... going:). I try to have a good attitude, but some days it gets hard. It's funny though, I try and write things about Him on my hand that day, that I think He is to me. Like today, I wrote, "He is peace." And almost every time I write something, one of my co-workers will see it. They will sometimes ask and I tell them what it says. Then they don't say much=p. But the other day, a girl that works with me told me she became a Christian and she really wanted to tell me about it:). Then there are others, who I don't tell that I'm a Christian and just try to be nice to them:). They will ask me, why are you so happy and nice?? haha so yeah:). I'm trying to see, that I can be a light there, even though I really hate being there. There is a purpose for me being there:D....
Friends?? Well yes, I have wonderful friends:). I love me some Victoria:D haha.. She is an amazing woman of God and I hope someday to actually be close to Him like she is:). My wonderful sister, Hannah is amazing.. I love her with all my heart. I've started to grow close to Leah these past couple of months and have loved every minute of it. She is also an amazing woman of God, continually seeking His face and His ways. Then we have Karlie:D. She is going after God more that ever and it is amazing. I miss her face very much and hope she is having a wonderful time at YWAM:). Kelsey is also amazing:). She continues to listen to me talk, all the time:) and encourages me in everything:). As for my man friends=p, I've grown pretty close with this wonderful guy, Jonathan. Always known him, but never really "known" him:) and I've loved getting to know him:D and can't wait till March:D. ahah. I talk to Alex and Chris every once and awhile and wish Chris was still living here.. Miss that guy. Bryan (more of Hannah's friend:)) has become part of the family, or so it seems=p. So yeah.. I have wonderful friends:).
So what am I hoping 2009 holds?? More of Papa. I can't wait to see where He takes me:). I still have yet to figure out where I'm going after high school, but He will tell me when I need to know, just bad at waiting:). Work wise, I'm hopefully going to be leaving Wawas soon:). We shall see:). Friendship wise, I hope I continue to grow closer to friends and I can't wait:). Other than that, just trying to fulfill my destiny in my Papa. Thank you if you have even read this far, I give you a lot of credit:).
P.S. I hoping to have a more life-changing post soon:)haha.
Know Him
<3emma
2009 has finally come and so far, it has been a wonderful year:). Mind you, it's only been 30 days of the new year, but it's been some of the best days I've ever had:).
I continue to try and seek my Papa and His presence. I find when I'm in His presence, I am at peace, I know that I belong. Just like that Cory Asbury and Matt Gilman, Where I Belong, I feel like I am made for that:). And I think it's funny, days that I am mad or just feel like poop, I haven't spent time with Him. So I'm still trying to stay faithful. Now don't get me wrong, I slip up and fail, but He always welcomes me back with this amazing, never-ending love that I still can't even begin to comprehend. Some things that I have been thinking about, He has always been jealous for me and my love, but have I ever been jealous for His?? And awhile ago, I was really thinking about that whole "living sacrifice" thing. I want to learn how to be one for Him. He at-least deserves that much of me. I'm kinda reading Crazy Love, right now, I have to pick it up again. Next, maybe a prophetic book that I got at the school of healing. I just want to know Him and all about Him. My Papa is so amazing.
Work is..... going:). I try to have a good attitude, but some days it gets hard. It's funny though, I try and write things about Him on my hand that day, that I think He is to me. Like today, I wrote, "He is peace." And almost every time I write something, one of my co-workers will see it. They will sometimes ask and I tell them what it says. Then they don't say much=p. But the other day, a girl that works with me told me she became a Christian and she really wanted to tell me about it:). Then there are others, who I don't tell that I'm a Christian and just try to be nice to them:). They will ask me, why are you so happy and nice?? haha so yeah:). I'm trying to see, that I can be a light there, even though I really hate being there. There is a purpose for me being there:D....
Friends?? Well yes, I have wonderful friends:). I love me some Victoria:D haha.. She is an amazing woman of God and I hope someday to actually be close to Him like she is:). My wonderful sister, Hannah is amazing.. I love her with all my heart. I've started to grow close to Leah these past couple of months and have loved every minute of it. She is also an amazing woman of God, continually seeking His face and His ways. Then we have Karlie:D. She is going after God more that ever and it is amazing. I miss her face very much and hope she is having a wonderful time at YWAM:). Kelsey is also amazing:). She continues to listen to me talk, all the time:) and encourages me in everything:). As for my man friends=p, I've grown pretty close with this wonderful guy, Jonathan. Always known him, but never really "known" him:) and I've loved getting to know him:D and can't wait till March:D. ahah. I talk to Alex and Chris every once and awhile and wish Chris was still living here.. Miss that guy. Bryan (more of Hannah's friend:)) has become part of the family, or so it seems=p. So yeah.. I have wonderful friends:).
So what am I hoping 2009 holds?? More of Papa. I can't wait to see where He takes me:). I still have yet to figure out where I'm going after high school, but He will tell me when I need to know, just bad at waiting:). Work wise, I'm hopefully going to be leaving Wawas soon:). We shall see:). Friendship wise, I hope I continue to grow closer to friends and I can't wait:). Other than that, just trying to fulfill my destiny in my Papa. Thank you if you have even read this far, I give you a lot of credit:).
P.S. I hoping to have a more life-changing post soon:)haha.
Know Him
<3emma
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